Days go By

Well... nothing at all exiting has been going on. I am thinking about going to school.I am scared to death to do it. I have been looking at going for a long time now about 2 years but everytime I need to make a decision I chicken out of it. Am I supposed to be doing what I am doing right now for the rest of my life or am I supposed to figure out something else. How does everyone else figure it all out? I feel as though I missed something while I was growing up. A very vital part of training. The part that tells you how to make important decisions and not to be scared of them. I would love to go backto school but then it seems as though reality sets in and I know that I cannot afford to go and that everyone is younger than I am and all that. Am Ibeing paranoid or not? I hope that it is just in my head. I am going to finally do something for myself and be happy about it. I know that people older than me go back to school and stuff all the time and survive it. I will be fine. Just gotta keep on telling myself that!!!! If kids and older people can do it so can I!!!

Another Day...

Lately I have been listening to alot of music that is bringing back memories. Some good and some bad. I am really missing things from the past. Now alot of people think that I am only 29 years old and really haven't had a chance to live enough to have alot of memories. I feel that I have lived 2 different lives already. Some songs have a huge power. They can make me laugh but usually make me cry. I can be so happy and then a song will come on the radio that makes me think about a friend or somthing and I cry. Partly from sadness and partly from happiness. Don't get me wrong...all the things that I have lived through and experienced I really don't think that I would change. I am the person that I am due to the experiences. Although alot of them are rough and hard lessons. Anyhow...my best friend just gave me a v-day gift. It is Gordon Lightfoot cd. I love If You Could Read My Mind. It is a beautiful song. Even though it is kind of a sad song to me it brings me good thoughts. I can reamember the first time that I listened to it. Where I was and who I was with. My roomate is very sick and beginning chemo. It is really taking a toll on me. I work a full time job and then have a part time at the same place that she works. Since she is going to be ill and stuff I am helping her out by taking some of her shifts. It is going to be very hard for awhile but I am praying for the best to come. ...thoughts keeping runnin through my head...

Day in my Life

Well, here I sit again. In a cubicle. I keep trying to tell myself that I really do enjoy my job and place in life. But do I really? So many changes in so little time. How do I gauge my happiness? Is that even possible? The only thing that I have to compare things to are things that i have already experienced. Rambling.... I need to think about life. My place in my own life. Sometimes it really seems that I am a bystander. In reality I am not all that happy. I have not accomplished half of the things that I really thought that I would have by this age. I have royally screwed up so many things. Even though I am getting it together now, I feel that it is too late for alot of things. Does that even make any sense?